????親愛的安妮：謝麗爾?桑德伯格發起運動，號召人們不要在女性表現出男性身上備受推崇的領導特質時給她們貼上“強勢”的標簽。我們辦公室的一小群女士（包括我）就這個話題展開了討論，我們很好奇您和您的讀者是怎么想的。從我還是小孩時開始，一直到上個老板對我進行績效評估，別人一直說我“強勢”。

????也許是我對這個問題太敏感了，因為我并不覺得自己強勢，只是意志堅定、要求嚴格罷了，跟我的那些男同事沒什么區別?，F在，我女兒也被她的排球隊隊友形容為強勢了，這一點確實讓我很困擾。另一方面，辦公室的一些女同事說，被稱作強勢只是又一種我們需要學著忽略和克服的刻板偏見罷了。我想請問您對這個問題怎么看？——并不強勢的老板

????親愛的“并不強勢的老板”：你的簽名聽起來很像碧昂斯在她為桑德伯格的活動拍的電視廣告中用的口號（“我是老板，我不強勢?！保?，康多莉扎?賴斯（美國前國務卿——譯注）和女演員詹妮弗?加納也參與拍攝了這一系列廣告。上個月，這組廣告在新聞界引發了不小的爭議。禁用“強勢”一詞活動背后的想法以及美國女童子軍協助承辦這項活動的理由是，人們用“專橫”這個詞來形容女孩（比如自己的女兒），會妨礙她們發展自己的領導才能，而這是她們長大后獲得成功所必需的素質。

????這個觀點或許有一定道理。倫敦商學院（London Business School）教授組織行為學的加布里埃爾?亞當斯反問：“‘專橫’這個詞為什么不好？難道因為它總是用在女性身上，所以帶上了負面的涵義？還是因為它有著負面涵義，才被用于形容強勢的女性？”她表示，無論是哪種，這個詞都在暗示：“有人接受或行使著他們無權享有的權力。他們已經踩過界了?！?/p>

????倫敦商學院對2,218名女經理進行了調查，詢問是否有人用這個詞形容過她們。結果有54%的受訪者表示她們在工作中有至少一次被人稱作“專橫”的經歷。

????亞當斯說：“擁有同樣特質的男性可能會被形容為果斷或者強勢?！彼赋?，普林斯頓大學（Princeton University）的心理學教授蘇珊?菲斯克經過多年調查，發現男性可以同時獲得討人喜歡和能干的印象，而女性越能干就會越不討人喜歡。

????亞當斯說：“鐵腕女性違背了人們認為的‘正?！缘呐e止——順從和謙遜，這一點可能會令人不安，甚至對人產生威脅，這就是為什么‘專橫’帶上了這么多的敵意?！?/p>

????那么女性應當如何應對呢？亞當斯說：“如果有人這么說你，你當然可以去他們解釋，為什么你會有（給你贏得這種名聲）想法或行動。但這就意味著女性需要比男性花上更多時間和精力去進行自我保護，為自己的行為辯護?！?/p>

????事實果真如此嗎？這點就遠沒有那么明顯了。職業生涯規劃公司Career Leverage的總裁南希?弗雷德伯格長期為高管提供培訓，她經常被邀請去大公司和男性高管打交道，那些人“不會被人說成‘專橫’，但他們的同事確實會抱怨他們‘粗魯’、‘傲慢’甚至‘恃強凌弱’。這是同樣的行為，只是用了不同的詞語來形容?！保▽τ谀切M跋扈的男老板，她最喜歡的委婉形容是“不近人情”。）

????弗雷德伯格表示，無論這個難以相處的人是男是女，培訓方式都是一樣的：搞清這個領導是為什么，怎么會惹怒同事的，然后幫助他或她改變這些冒犯性的行為。

????弗雷德伯格說：“最高效的那些領導不論男女，都可以在獨斷和強勢的同時受到人們的尊敬。他們可以指出問題和錯誤，同時不傷害別人的自尊。反之，無論你是男是女，表現出很強的控制欲或者非常挑剔，都會被認為是‘專橫’和‘粗魯’——對任何人來說，這都不是一種合適的領導風格?！?/p>

????Dear Annie: A little band of women in my office (including me) have been talking about Sheryl Sandberg's campaign to get people to stop calling girls "bossy" when they show leadership traits that would be praised for boys, and we're curious about what you and your readers think. I have been called "bossy" all my life, starting when I was just a kid, right up through performance evaluations at my last employer.

????Maybe I'm super sensitive about this, because I don't see myself as bossy, just firm and demanding, the same as my male colleagues. Now, my daughter is getting called bossy by her volleyball teammates, which really bugs me. On the other hand, some women here say that being called bossy is just one of those negative stereotypes we should learn to ignore and rise above. Your thoughts, please? -- Not Bossy, Just the Boss

????Dear N.B.J.B.: Your signature sounds like what Beyonce said in her TV ads for Sandberg's crusade ("I'm not bossy. I'm the boss."), a series of spots that also featured Condoleezza Rice and actress Jennifer Garner and kicked off a brief storm of controversy in the press last month. The thinking behind banning "bossy" -- and the reason the effort is co-sponsored by the Girl Scouts of the United States -- is that calling girls like your daughter, but not boys, "bossy" discourages female kids from developing the leadership skills they'll need to succeed as adults.

????There's probably some truth to that. "Why is 'bossy' always bad?" asks Gabrielle Adams, who teaches organizational behavior at the London Business School. "Does it have a negative connotation because it's always applied to women? Or is 'bossiness' ascribed to strong women because it's negative?" Either way, she says, the word implies that "someone is assuming, or exercising, authority they're not entitled to. They're overstepping their bounds."

????When London Business School asked 2,218 women managers if the word had ever been applied to them, 54% said they'd been called bossy at some point, or at more than one point, in their careers.

????"A man showing the same traits would probably be called decisive or powerful instead," Adams notes. She points to years of research by Princeton University psychology professor Susan Fiske showing that, while men can be considered both likable and competent, women are perceived as less likable the more competent they are.

????"A woman who is a strong leader is violating what people may regard as 'normal' feminine behavior, which is submissive and self-effacing," says Adams. "That can be unsettling or even threatening, which is why 'bossy' carries such a load of hostility."

????So how should women respond? "You can certainly call someone on it if they call you that, and explain why you hold the opinion or take the approach" that earned you the epithet, Adams says. "But that just means that women have to spend more time and energy defending themselves, and justifying their behavior, than men do."

????Or do they? Here's where it gets a lot less clear. Nancy Friedberg, a longtime executive coach and president of Career Leverage, often gets called in to large companies to work with male senior managers who "don't get called 'bossy,' but their colleagues do complain that they're 'abrasive' or 'arrogant' or even 'bullying.' It's the same behavior, just described in different terms." (Her favorite HR euphemism for domineering male bosses is "rough around the edges.")

????Whether the difficult person in question is male or female, Friedberg says, the coaching method is the same: Figure out how and why this manager has gotten co-workers' hackles up, and help him or her to alter the offending behavior.

????"The most effective leaders of either sex can be assertive and strong while still being respectful," Friedberg says. "They can point out problems and mistakes while still leaving others' dignity intact. Whether you're male or female, being highly controlling or judgmental is what's seen as 'bossy' or 'abrasive' -- and it's not a leadership style that works well for anybody."