????親愛的安妮：如果你因為家庭問題需要休假，可你的同事為此對你嘮嘮叨叨，你會如何應對他們？我所在的部門為了趕上項目截止日期而面臨巨大壓力。我在這里的五年間，做完自己份內的事情之后，還會幫其他人。但現在，我必須把獨自居住的老父親送到養老院。他住的地方與我相隔了半個美國的距離，而且他還患有老年癡呆癥。此外，我還得把他住了40多年的房子打掃干凈，然后掛牌出售。我至少需要兩周到三周的時間來處理這些事。相信我，我自己也不希望花這么長時間。

????更糟糕的是我的上司，尤其是同事們的態度。他們對我說：“沒有其他人去做這些事嗎？”（確實沒有），或者“就不能等到我們七月份的項目結束之后再去嗎？”（很可惜，不行）。我感覺我讓整個團隊失望了。我該怎么回答呢？——T.T.

????親愛的T.T.：你肯定已經知道了，1993年的《家庭醫療休假法》（Family and Medical Leave Act）明文規定，你每年可以獲得最多12周的假期——無薪假期，但不影響福利，也不會失業——來解決與自己或親人健康有關的問題。美國勞工部的新規定將于六周后生效，規定要求雇主在工作場所張貼海報，宣傳《家庭醫療休假法》的規定（此外，專門提醒所有人這部法律的存在）。

????但指出你享有休假的法律權利，并不是要讓你與同事或上司疏遠。此外，你并不是唯一一個面臨這種問題的人。圣克拉拉大學（Santa Clara University）傳播學教授、組織社會結構專家賈斯丁?博倫說：“如果缺乏同事的支持，會嚴重影響到員工對于合法休假的認知?！?/p>

????博倫曾與人合著過一篇研究文章，發表在四月份的《南方傳播雜志》（Southern Communication Journal）上。研究顯示，“同事表現出的怨氣”通常會讓人們放棄本應有權享受的家庭假期。這些信息或隱晦或直接，使博倫研究的大多數員工“認為，如果享受完整的福利意味著讓其他同事接手他們留下的工作，他們會為此而感到內疚?！?/p>

????通常情況下，同事的怨氣“源自公司文化中內在的、對于員工表現未做出明確說明的預期，”他補充道?！叭绻聜冋J為你令整個團隊失望了，那么，平衡工作與生活的壓力會進一步加重?！?/p>

????那么，到底應該如何維護自己的權利呢？國際企業培訓公司（Corporate Coaching International）位于帕薩迪納市，客戶包括迪士尼（Disney）、洛克希德馬丁公司（Lockheed Martin）、英國石油公司（BP）、安進制藥（Amgen）等大公司的高管。這家培訓公司的總裁路易斯?弗蘭克爾說：“每一種工作關系中都存在交換條件。一個人在得到的同時，必須同樣付出?！?/p>

????弗蘭克爾表示，家庭危機“通常會讓我們耗盡心神，常常忘記考慮我們的缺席會對其他同事產生怎樣的影響。這正是同事產生怨氣的原因?！?/p>

????她建議，在你休假前去照顧父親之前，與同事們坐下來，通過一對一或小組的形式，向他們說清楚在下一個項目中，你可以做出哪些貢獻，保證即使在你離開期間也能提供幫助，同事表明等你回來之后，你愿意額外處理哪些工作任務等。

????Dear Annie: What can you say to coworkers who give you a hassle about taking time off for a family problem? The department where I work is under a lot of pressure to meet deadlines, and in the five years I've been here, I've done my share of the workload and then some. Now, however, I'm faced with having to move my widowed father, who lives halfway across the country and has Alzheimer's, into a nursing home. I also have to clean out the house where he's lived for 40-plus years and put it up for sale. I'll need at least two weeks, or possibly three, to do this and, believe me, I wish it wasn't necessary.

????What's making the whole situation even worse is the attitude of coworkers and, to a lesser extent, my boss. People have said things to me like, "Isn't there someone else who can do this instead of you?" (there isn't) and "Can't it wait until we've met our July project deadline?" (no, unfortunately, it can't). But I feel like I'm letting the team down. How should I respond? -- Torn in Tacoma

????Dear T.T.: As you probably already know, the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 entitles you to up to 12 weeks per year of time off — unpaid, but without losing your benefits, or your job -- to deal with a health-related issue, either yours or a close family member's. New Labor Department rules, which took effect about six weeks ago, require employers to put up posters in workplaces, spelling out what the FMLA says (and, not incidentally, reminding everybody that it exists).

????But pointing out that you have a legal right to do what you need to do isn't likely to get you very far with your colleagues, or your boss. Moreover, you're far from the only one struggling with this. "A lack of support from peers has a tremendous effect on employees' feeling that they can legitimately take time off," notes Justin Boren, a communications professor at Santa Clara University and an expert on social structures within organizations.

????Boren is co-author of a study in the April issue of Southern Communication Journal showing that "messages of peer resentment" often stop people from taking the family-leave time they're entitled to. Those messages -- some subtle, some not -- made most employees in Boren's research "feel guilty for taking their full complement of benefits, if it meant leaving their colleagues to 'pick up the slack.'"

????Often, coworkers' resentment "stems from unstated expectations about performance that are embedded in the culture of the organization," he adds. "The stress of trying to balance work life and family life is really exacerbated when colleagues say you're letting the team down."

????So, how can you defend yourself? "In every relationship at work, there is a quid pro quo," says Lois Frankel, head of Pasadena-based Corporate Coaching International, whose clients have included executives at Disney (DIS), Lockheed Martin (LMT), BP (BP), Amgen (AMGN), and many other big companies. "You have to give at least as much as you get."

????A family crisis "often preoccupies us so completely that we forget to think much about how our absence will affect the people around us at work," Frankel observes. "That's where the resentment from colleagues comes in."

????Before you leave to take care of your father, she suggests you sit down with your teammates, either as a group or one-on-one, and work out what you can contribute to the next project deadline before you take off, how reachable you'll be while you're away, and what additional work you'd be willing to handle when you get back.