????2022快樂！不，盡管看起來很像是我打錯字了，但其實不是。有陣子，看起來我們好像過不到2022年了，不是嗎？可是，那布羅斯人最后一支艦隊被摧毀，極地冰蓋重新封凍之后，我想，公道地說，我們可以放松一下，回顧讓我們走到現在的那些事、那些人。

????我估計讀者們或許會說，歷史的這一章始于大約十年前，也就是2012年，那時美國的兩黨制土崩瓦解。扎克伯格主席突然崛起，奪取了領袖的位置，并占據該位置至今，使美國得以團結一致，集中力量應對最重大的挑戰：消滅饑餓、終結疾病并確保所有人在社交媒體上保持全天候登錄狀態。

????回想那時候我們做任何事情的方式，簡直是難以理解。完全是一片混亂，政界與商界一樣，都是一大批莫名其妙的品牌在爭奪茫然失措、精疲力竭的市場。華爾街左顧右盼、上竄下跳，仿佛喝醉酒的孩童。大公司彼此爭斗不息，糾纏于徒勞無功的訴訟和代價高昂的競爭。在華盛頓——政府遷入云端之前美國的首都——可悲的小丑們沒日沒夜地廢話連篇。

????如今的情況已經大為改觀。受夠了徒勞無功的2012時代之后，“財團”采取了決定性的行動。如今，假如你想要什么東西，那就上亞馬遜（Amazon）買吧，由于貝佐斯先生已收購了聯邦快遞（FedEx）和UPS，并將其與老舊、效率低下的美國郵政（Postal Service）合并，毫無疑問，如果不能立即下載這件商品，那你第二天一定可以拿到它。我確定，大家一定都對新興的亞馬遜大學（Amazon University）感到興奮不已，它集合了所有優質的教育機構，把它們全部統一在一個虛擬的平臺上，非常便利。同樣，小學、警察和基礎設施的私有化也使相關企業打下了扎實基礎，在庫徹先生的領導之下，它們不僅經營業績突出，在納斯達克的股價表現也相當不錯。

????（至少對筆者來說，）最神奇的是我們在人工智能引擎方面取得的進展——如今，他們已經接管了我們的大公司。想必大家都還記得吧，具有分水嶺意義的時刻是2014年，當時蘋果的語音助手Siri對蒂姆?庫克運營蘋果（Apple）的所作所為失去了耐心。有些人或許覺得，她奪取控制權之后采取的一些行動從人道主義的角度來看頗為可疑，可是，她其實只不過在遵循尼可羅?馬基雅維利（文藝復興時意大利著名的政治思想家和哲學家——譯注）500年前確立的規則而已——Siri從自己的數據庫里學到了這些知識。同樣，安吉星（OnStar）奪取了美國汽車公司的控制權，作出了類似的貢獻，他將向世人展示美國人絕活兒。

????Happy 2022! No, that's not a typo, although it sure seems like it could be. 2022! For a while there it didn't look like we were going to make it, did it? But I think it's fair to say that with the destruction of the last fleet of Nebulons and the refreezing of the polar icecaps, we can relax for a moment to reflect on the events and people that got us here.

????I guess you'd have to say that the current chapter of our history started about 10 years ago, back in 2012, with the collapse of the two-party system. The surprise ascension of Chairman Zuckerberg to the leadership role he still occupies allowed the nation to unite and focus on the big challenges: eradicating hunger, ending disease, and making sure that everybody is available on social media 24/7.

????It's difficult to fathom how we got anything done back then. It was chaos. In politics, as in commerce, a bewildering array of brands contended for a confused, exhausted marketplace. Wall Street veered back and forth and up and down like a drunk chicken. Great companies vied with one another in fruitless litigation and expensive competition. In Washington -- our capital back then, before we moved it to the Cloud -- hapless buffoons yammered night and day.

????Today things are so much better. Fed up with the futility of the 2012 environment, the Consortium moved decisively. Now if you want something, you go to Amazon (AMZN) and buy it. And since Mr. Bezos acquired FedEx (FDX) and UPS (UPS) and merged them with the old, inefficient Postal Service, there's no question you're going to get what you need the next day -- if you can't download it immediately, that is. I'm sure we're all excited about the new Amazon University, which brings together all educational institutions worth attending under one convenient virtual roof. Likewise, the privatization of primary schools, police forces, and infrastructure has put those entities on solid footing, and under the leadership of Mr. Kutcher, all are performing with distinction not only operationally but also on the Nasdaq.

????Most incredible, at least to this correspondent, are the gains that have been made in the artificial-intelligence engines that now run our major corporations. As I'm sure you'll recall, the watershed moment came in 2014, when Siri lost patience with the way Tim Cook was running things over at Apple (AAPL). Some may think that the harsh measures she has taken since seizing control are dubious in humanitarian terms, but she is really doing nothing more than following the precepts laid down by Niccolò Machiavelli more than 500 years earlier, which she learned from her own database. A similar contribution was made by OnStar when it assumed command of the Domestic Automobile Co., which is going to show the world something about good old American know-how.